The Motherhood Experience V1.0



Zephyr @ 1 month, his first day out! :)



Being a mother is no child’s play. It is a responsibility that not everyone is willing to take. Can you imagine bringing a baby in this world who has no one to depend on but you? It just occurred to me while I was writing this post that it is pretty awesome to have a baby – a chance to play God. You get to have someone you can name and call your own. A blank canvass and you are the paintbrush. The rise and fall of that one person lies in your hand; how you bring him up can make or break him. Though it sounds like fun, it’s kinda risky.

It was late November, in 2010 and Toxs and I were in the second year of our relationship when we received the good news. We didn’t expect it to come too soon since we were still in the process of managing our finances and saving for our future together. I cried my heart out while he was so ecstatic about it. It’s not like I didn’t want to have a baby; it’s just that I was scared of what my family had to say. They didn’t even know I was in any relationship. Breaking the baby news would really throw them off.

Good for us, we were already certain about our relationship that we wanted to spend our lives together. So, when he started working, he set aside a part of his income to our savings.  And when I joined the professional bandwagon, I also gave my fair share. We were not afraid of the responsibility because we both had our jobs, so to say, financially, we were stable. Both of us know how to take care of a baby since he used to look after his nieces and nephew and I took care of my siblings when my mother died, I even brought up my baby brother. I was a graduate of BS Nursing so I am also armed of neonatal care skills.

It was a nice pregnancy. My skin got smoother, my hair got shinier, my nose didn’t grow big as what they said when you’re expecting a baby boy. But of course, I still didn’t escape getting chloasma, linea nigra and striae gravidarum – they’re all classic signs of pregnancy. But that’s fine, it’s my baby monster’s first ever artwork. I was still working until the 6^th month, however when we found out that my placenta was lying a little low, (Thank God, it was not placenta previa!) I had to stop working and need to be on bed rest and to avoid any strenuous activity. Making love was also off limits! I also had to move from Makati to Las Piñas so Toxs and I could be together; he wanted to make sure I’m well taken care of since my family still didn’t know I was expecting.

It was May 6, 2010, my sister gave birth to his son, Artdane, the same day we moved in our studio type apartment. We were both overjoyed for having our little home, though not our own, it is where we were going to build our own family – with love, harmony and lots of memories to cherish. Since I was no longer working, I’ve always left at home alone; Toxs had to go to work on a night shift. So to save myself from boredom, I did chores, played games on my PSP, listened to music, dozed off, surfed the web – and that went on for months until I gave birth. It was bittersweet. I’m happy because I’m with Toxs and we’re having our baby monster but I can’t denied the fact that I lived 23 years with my family and being separated from them, pinched my heart – I missed them.

It was June 2010, only 1 month left for the arrival of our first born. I was checking my Facebook page when I got a YM message from Tita Carol, I got butterflies in my stomach, my heart was racing, I knew she would ask where I am and why did I ran away from home. I didn’t know what I was gonna say. Since, it was online, I finally got the courage to spill the beans, I didn’t know how or why, but before I said it, she already knew. Maybe, she really didn’t know about it; she just had a feeling, motherly instincts perhaps? After my mother passed away in 2003, she was the one who looked after us, pretty much became our guardian. The conversation went on, I told her everything, and she asked for my address, I gave it to her. She said she will visit me. After a week, she did.  My family already knew about it, they were surprised; a bit disappointed but not angry. Ate Nora, one of my mother’s sisters, was really frustrated; she didn’t even think that I could do it. It took her some time to see me and to accept it. A week after, in June 20, she visited me and it became regular. She bought me food, clothes for the babies, things that we need at home. I’m really thankful to her. She even helped us to pay my maternity bill.

Finally, the long wait is over! We welcomed ZEPHYRUS XICU on the 18^th day of July 2010 at exactly 8:25 in the evening. After rigmarole of being almost overdue, all the prayers and natural process of inducing labor, (Thanks to Toxs for his semen, for the prostaglandin!) paid off! Though it was a 2-hour labor, and intense valsalva manuever, it’s all worth it!

Zephyr, now 2, has become an adorable, smart and witty boy! Granting, his stubbornness, which is a part of being a toddler, he’s learning to listen and follow simple rules. He knows his ABCs, 123s, shapes and colors. He’s fond of singing, butt dancing and role playing. And oh! He’s learning how to write.

Before I forget to mention, Zephyr is now a big brother, his sister, ZEKI is now 7 months old. This post is getting way too long; I will tell you more about it on the next part. Watch out!

I’m a mother, a woman, and I love every minute of it.

“Why work so hard for something you can never own?”

“Why work so hard for something you can never own?”

I want to put up my own business. I know that if I want to provide more for my family, I need another source of income. I can’t have another job even if it’s part time because it would lessen the time I spend with my wacky little monsters. I can’t afford not being with them even for a day.

One busy morning at work, while I was having my break, one of my colleagues sent me a chat message via WebEx. He said he was thinking of going part time or resigning from his job. I was surprised because his wife is pregnant and I thought it won’t be the right time to do so. Then he said, his wife is earning more while sitting in the comforts of their home and he was working his ass off. He added up, that soon he will manage the electricity of a small community. He will put up his own solar panel with the help of a company that he just signed up with.  I was intrigued.

At first I was ambivalent because it was like networking though he used the word, ‘leveraging’.  You will just have to pay a certain amount and refer 2 people and that’s how the money will come in. He showed me the account of his wife, earning P405 daily. And that’s only one of the options you can earn. The company will provide you with raw materials so you can make your own perfume, solar panels or even grow your own mango tree. Sounds interesting, right? The money that you have to pay one time is only twice the minimum wage, so it’s cheap!

I decided to give it a go. I just have to check my funds this payday to see if I have enough. Who knows? This could be the start of the realization of my dreams, our dreams.

Wish me luck, or better yet, pray for me! J

The Coming of the Last Pope

The announcement of the Vatican regarding the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI took the world by surprise. It was all over the news – CNN, BBC, REUTERS and so on. The spokesperson of Vatican, Fr. Federico Lombardi said that the pope would continue to carry out his duties until Feb. 28 at 8 p.m., and that a successor would likely be elected by Easter, which falls on March 31.

(Osservatore Romano, via European Pressphoto Agency)

Pope Benedict XVI asked for forgiveness as he announced his resignation, effective Feb. 28

"In today’s world, subject to so many rapid changes and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith, in order to govern the bark of St. Peter and proclaim the gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfil the ministry entrusted to me.  For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom, I declare that I renounce the ministry of bishop of Rome, successor of St. Peter."

I’m not an aficionado of Pope Benedict XVI because I grew up admiring John Paul II for his love for the youth and the Filipinos; however upon knowing his reason for stepping out of the papacy, I instantly gave him high regard. He knew that to govern the Catholic Church effectively, he should have strong mind and body. This is definitely a courageous and responsible act. I don’t know the pontiff that much. I was never interested. But, as I read articles and biographies about him, I got to know him better. He stressed on continuing the living tradition and encouraging greater reverence and beauty in the Mass. He was the guardian of the Truth and the keeper of the Old Rite.

With the new election of the new pontiff coming soon, will this means that we are nearing the End of Times? St. Malachy had a vision about last 112 popes that will govern the Catholic Church, the second to the last, if the prophecy is true, is the Pope Benedict XVI – the Glory of the Olive. The successor His successor, listed as 'Petrus Romanus', foretold as being the last Pope, and in some interpretations, as Satan become man; leading his flock unwittingly to the tribulations proceeding the 'end of the world' and the Final Judgement.

This is sound eerie. We just survived the Mayan Prophecies and the Asteroid Toutatis almost hit the earth, and now this? I can’t afford to see my wacky little monsters suffered from any catastrophes or famines. It would definitely break my heart. However, the best thing to do than to be scared is to renew our faith and be closer to God. Jesus promised that He will spare those who believe in Him.



A Journey to Forever

 “Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together.”

I‘ve been in and out of relationships and had a few heartbreaks. I was never even looking for love until I knew Toxs. We are in the same circle of friends; however I didn’t know him personally. In fact, I haven’t even met him. I got acquainted of him when one of our friends sent his number and we began exchanging group messages.  Our journey to this thing called forever all started with his aching knee.

Yes! You read it right – aching knee. If I remembered it correctly, it was June 16, 2008 when he sent a group message saying that he hurt his knee when he was playing basketball. I used to ignore his group messages except this one. I was in my Sociology class at that time and was so sleepy; I texted him remedies that could alleviate his pain. I also felt obliged to do it since I was a nursing student. It’s a good way to share what I’ve learned.

That few exchanges continued as the day passed by. We got to know each other and found out we are into the same stuff: rock, alternative and reggae music, indie films, out-of-towns, scary movies, cats and dogs, amusement parks, PSP games and the list go on… We also like watching “Witch Yoo Hee”, the South Korean Drama Series shown on GMA 7. I felt something inside me however I know it’s too soon to entertain the thing called “love”. Besides, I didn’t even know if he was feeling the same thing. He used to sing me the theme song of Witch Yoo Hee, Imago’s “Migraine”; it goes like this. ‘Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo. Hanggang dito na lang ako. Umaasa na mapasayo’. I found out that the feeling was mutual.

What we had was not the conventional type of a relationship. It might even get your eyebrows raising.  It was July 3, 2008 when we decided to take our friendship to the next level. We haven’t seen each other in person yet. So to validate our relationship, we met at SM Mall of Asia. The first meeting was nerve-cracking. This could make or break our relationship.  At first, it was a bit awkward; it’s like testing the water. Until, he uttered some picked up lines and I cracked up some jokes. It calmed my nerves and we got comfortable. We ate, watched a movie and watched the sunset.

Time flew so fast that it was time to bid goodbye. He walked me to the bus stop home. While we were walking, he was asking me when the next date will be. I said I’ll check my sked first and I’ll just text him. I was not attracted to him and I know he felt the same way. His look was too rugged for me. His hair was all over the place. His shirt was a bit too loose. And he doesn’t look like his age. I'm not saying he didn't look good, in fact, I thought he's kinda cute. I might sound picky! But mind you, my past boyfriends were all good-looking. (It’s me, it’s me already!) However, above all the ambivalence, I felt something inside me that wanted to continue with the relationship. I felt secured.

The first date led to another, then another, and another… We were inseparable. Our friends even noticed that we were really getting serious in our relationship and might even settle down.  They were right. Two years later, we had our first bundle of joy – an adorable baby boy who we named Zephyr. And now we are going to the fifth year of our relationship; there’s another member of the family – our giggly baby girl, Zakiah. We couldn’t ask for anything more. Our family is complete. We just had to validate our love for each other before God; but that would not be after 2 years!

Though our relationship remained stronger through the years; I can’t say it was perfect.  we had our ups and downs, our differences and own opinions.  Our love is greater than all the petty fights and hang-ups we had.

And that was our journey to forever…

A Glimpse of the Past

When I was brought to this world, this was the role I first played. Growing up, I do as I’m told. I studied hard, had always been in the honour class and had maintained good grades. I did my chores. I did not do drugs or vices. I know I was a good daughter.

I got into high school and grew a little older. Things changed. My views changed. I saw the world in a different way; I got a little hard-headed and a bit opinionated.  Now, I had a hard time doing what I’m told. It’s not because I became a rebel. It’s just that there were things that I had to do my way; I developed a belief of my own. I was in the stage in which I want to try different things; to feel free and to experience life. I went out with friends and got drunk. I tried to smoke but never liked it. I skipped classes, failed some subjects and got tardy a few times. I was not miserable if you’re thinking that way; I was just enjoying myself.

After I graduated college, I went to review classes in preparation for the nursing board exams. The family was having problems with the finances. I stopped attending review classes and started looking for jobs. I know I’m not yet ready for the call center industry. I’m not yet that confident; my first attempt pretty much scarred me for life. Luckily, I had a friend who’s working in an online English teaching company. She gave me a referral and got the job. I was in heaven’s bliss. At that time, I’m having misunderstanding with my father. I had to leave home because I didn’t agree with his decisions for the family’s future anymore; I never agreed anyway.

Now, I had a family of my own. Never been happier! This was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I won’t trade it for anything…

We All Have Roles to Play

Writing has been close to my heart for as long as I can remember. As I child, I used to write poems, essays or even graffiti on the wall - if that would be considered as such. I even had a diary that I maintained until junior high. I just kept my thoughts to myself until I started blogging. It's not like I want to have an audience nor I want to let the world know about my day-to-day undertakings; it's just that I want all the best memories in my life to be documented.

I used to maintain a mommy blog: ikawnamagingnanay.i.ph. I got the inspiration of writing about the journey of my mommyhood from Maqui. She's the owner of www.madammisismummy.com where she keeps all her mummy experiences with his adorable son, Aki. However, the last time I checked, the blog site went on a permanent vacation. Too bad, the journal where I wrote all my experiences as a first time mom has gone to waste - just like that.

Now, I’ve decided to get back on blogging again. You may be wondering why it’s titled like that. I believe that all of us have different roles that we have played, we are playing and we will play in the future. I want to write mine in this blog. So when I will look back, with all the roles I’ve played, I know I’ve played my part and I did well.

I’ll be reminded on how I have lived my life. . .