The Motherhood Experience V1.0



Zephyr @ 1 month, his first day out! :)



Being a mother is no child’s play. It is a responsibility that not everyone is willing to take. Can you imagine bringing a baby in this world who has no one to depend on but you? It just occurred to me while I was writing this post that it is pretty awesome to have a baby – a chance to play God. You get to have someone you can name and call your own. A blank canvass and you are the paintbrush. The rise and fall of that one person lies in your hand; how you bring him up can make or break him. Though it sounds like fun, it’s kinda risky.

It was late November, in 2010 and Toxs and I were in the second year of our relationship when we received the good news. We didn’t expect it to come too soon since we were still in the process of managing our finances and saving for our future together. I cried my heart out while he was so ecstatic about it. It’s not like I didn’t want to have a baby; it’s just that I was scared of what my family had to say. They didn’t even know I was in any relationship. Breaking the baby news would really throw them off.

Good for us, we were already certain about our relationship that we wanted to spend our lives together. So, when he started working, he set aside a part of his income to our savings.  And when I joined the professional bandwagon, I also gave my fair share. We were not afraid of the responsibility because we both had our jobs, so to say, financially, we were stable. Both of us know how to take care of a baby since he used to look after his nieces and nephew and I took care of my siblings when my mother died, I even brought up my baby brother. I was a graduate of BS Nursing so I am also armed of neonatal care skills.

It was a nice pregnancy. My skin got smoother, my hair got shinier, my nose didn’t grow big as what they said when you’re expecting a baby boy. But of course, I still didn’t escape getting chloasma, linea nigra and striae gravidarum – they’re all classic signs of pregnancy. But that’s fine, it’s my baby monster’s first ever artwork. I was still working until the 6^th month, however when we found out that my placenta was lying a little low, (Thank God, it was not placenta previa!) I had to stop working and need to be on bed rest and to avoid any strenuous activity. Making love was also off limits! I also had to move from Makati to Las Piñas so Toxs and I could be together; he wanted to make sure I’m well taken care of since my family still didn’t know I was expecting.

It was May 6, 2010, my sister gave birth to his son, Artdane, the same day we moved in our studio type apartment. We were both overjoyed for having our little home, though not our own, it is where we were going to build our own family – with love, harmony and lots of memories to cherish. Since I was no longer working, I’ve always left at home alone; Toxs had to go to work on a night shift. So to save myself from boredom, I did chores, played games on my PSP, listened to music, dozed off, surfed the web – and that went on for months until I gave birth. It was bittersweet. I’m happy because I’m with Toxs and we’re having our baby monster but I can’t denied the fact that I lived 23 years with my family and being separated from them, pinched my heart – I missed them.

It was June 2010, only 1 month left for the arrival of our first born. I was checking my Facebook page when I got a YM message from Tita Carol, I got butterflies in my stomach, my heart was racing, I knew she would ask where I am and why did I ran away from home. I didn’t know what I was gonna say. Since, it was online, I finally got the courage to spill the beans, I didn’t know how or why, but before I said it, she already knew. Maybe, she really didn’t know about it; she just had a feeling, motherly instincts perhaps? After my mother passed away in 2003, she was the one who looked after us, pretty much became our guardian. The conversation went on, I told her everything, and she asked for my address, I gave it to her. She said she will visit me. After a week, she did.  My family already knew about it, they were surprised; a bit disappointed but not angry. Ate Nora, one of my mother’s sisters, was really frustrated; she didn’t even think that I could do it. It took her some time to see me and to accept it. A week after, in June 20, she visited me and it became regular. She bought me food, clothes for the babies, things that we need at home. I’m really thankful to her. She even helped us to pay my maternity bill.

Finally, the long wait is over! We welcomed ZEPHYRUS XICU on the 18^th day of July 2010 at exactly 8:25 in the evening. After rigmarole of being almost overdue, all the prayers and natural process of inducing labor, (Thanks to Toxs for his semen, for the prostaglandin!) paid off! Though it was a 2-hour labor, and intense valsalva manuever, it’s all worth it!

Zephyr, now 2, has become an adorable, smart and witty boy! Granting, his stubbornness, which is a part of being a toddler, he’s learning to listen and follow simple rules. He knows his ABCs, 123s, shapes and colors. He’s fond of singing, butt dancing and role playing. And oh! He’s learning how to write.

Before I forget to mention, Zephyr is now a big brother, his sister, ZEKI is now 7 months old. This post is getting way too long; I will tell you more about it on the next part. Watch out!

I’m a mother, a woman, and I love every minute of it.